You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
