its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
