so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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