Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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