Im at strip club and am horny
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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