I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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