I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
