Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
