I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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