Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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