She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
