he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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