Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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