i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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