I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
