we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
