I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
