He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
