I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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