don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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