i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
