Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
