So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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