life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
