Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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