i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
