Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
