Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
