I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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