Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
