Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
