Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize