I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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