Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry about my life...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
