I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
