for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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