We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
