would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
