quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
