About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
