I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
