So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
