He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
