I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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