He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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