i think my tv is drunk
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
