I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
what is it with giant penises always finding me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
