Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
