2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They took my balls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
