you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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