I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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