Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
