That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
