I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
