I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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