I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My dick has a subreddit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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