Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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