I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
