So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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