pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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