So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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