he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
