brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
