worst night to have a conscience
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
