Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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