Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
