i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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