The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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